Authors note: These observations have been assembled based on 18 years as a web developer, Internet marketer, web analyst and project manager. All examples are fictional and meant to be intentionally humorous. The reality is that it’s freaking hard to launch a meaningful website. It takes time, money and patience to get things done the right way. While this article points out particular faults that are made during the process, my hope is that you can use it as a checklist for “what not to do” on your next website launch. This is one of those posts that has been in my drafts folder for some time and while it probably should to stay there, I am publishing it anyway!
Your website sucks.
I’m sorry that I have to be the bearer of bad news, but someone had to tell you the truth.
Your website is a crime against humanity, an atrocious abomination, a target for Godwin’s law.
It is responsible for both world wars and a lack of peace in the middle east.
Your website makes my eyes bleed, my bowels move and my brain hemorrhage.
And it’s all your fault, because you let it happen.
The mistakes you made along the way are so damning that I want you to read through each of your violations before you issue an apology.
1. Your website sucks because you don’t know the answer to the question “Why are we making this website in the first place?”
The year was 1995. Coolio’s Gangsta’s Paradise was on the air and after reading about the Internet in a magazine, your company CEO demands that a website is up and running. You get a CTO, a CIO, a C-whatever-O and go to work. [Continue reading]